Anatomical Awareness

Roan (passionately commenting on the cartoon “Arthur” on PBS): It’s not true that holding your breath will stop hiccups. It makes an air bubble in your chest that hurts really bad. That scene was not educational! (Age 8)

Social Awareness

Roan: The movie “Boyhood” is Rated R because it has alcoholic beverages and the boy’s dad is an alcoholist. (Age 8)

Existential Awareness

Roan: There has to be a video where I can see a chicken laying an egg out of its butt. There has to be, because humans are extraordinary, and can accomplish many things. (Age 8)

Economic Awareness

Roan: I’ll save up money for you and Dad to go to Hawaii for your anniversary, but it will take 2 years because I’ll have to save $100. (Age 8)

Emotional Awareness

Roan: Mom, are you sad I’m growing up? My old self needed a booster seat and didn’t say “crap” very much. My new self doesn’t need a booster seat and says “crap” more often. (Age 8)

Anatomical Awareness

Roan (to pediatrician, when asked if he had any concerns): No worries except for blood poisoning and turning into a hobo maniac. (Age 8)

Family of Origin

Roan: Dad, remember that day you ruined my life forever? Dad: What? Roan: When you threw the baseball and it went into the street and down the sewer? Dad: Oh, I’m sorry, but there will be a lot of those days. (Age 8)

Social Awareness

Roan (from the sidelines of a soccer game, when one of his teammates got hit in the face with the ball): Beep beep beep! Detecting high levels of geek! (Age 7)

Diet and Lifestyle

Roan (after being told “no” to having candy before dinner): This is why people shouldn’t get married – because the moms are so terrible! (Age 7)

Diet and Lifestyle

Roan: Dad, the next time we go to Han Ah Reum, can we get cow’s tongue? Cow’s tongue is basically a cow’s tongue but it’s cut off so people can eat it. Dad: Uh, sure I’ll try it. Roan: Dad, you and I can eat it because we’re ogres. But mom can’t because she’s human. … Continue reading

Social Awareness

Roan: My girlfriend Alexa said she wants to stay home with the kids. Instead of being a ninja. Dad: She wants to be a stay-at-home mom? Roan: Yes. While I’m being a body builder. (Age 7)

Book Signing Event! Towson, MD April 20, 2013

“Raising Roan” books will be on sale at the Honestly Autism Day (HAD) conference at Towson University on April 20, 2013. Special conference price is $10/book (save 10% and no shipping). If you’re planning to attend, stop by the vendor tables in the Potomac Lounge.

Ever the Rocker

Roan: I’m in a new band called Dead Life. Are there any vampire bats in the basement? My band is going to play down there, and I don’t want any of them to get blood-sucked.

Tour of Duty

Roan (after a 2-hour Cub Scout event): I thought I was going to die of old age at the firehouse.

On Growing Up

Roan: I don’t want to be a teenager. I just want to drive race cars, be a screenwriter, and wreck my house with my big muscles!

Annual Review

Roan (to Mom, during a bedtime chat): You’re a nice mother. You married the right man. You help Dad with his career. His career is making the money. I can’t help with that because I’m busy going to school and doing homework and stuff like that.

Appealing to the Authorities

Roan (waiting impatiently for Mom to help him pick up his toys): I’m going to tell the President of the United States that you did not help me! —— Roan (after losing his temper and being told he would have to wait until he was calm to go to his playdate): Jesus doesn’t like you!

Hobbies

Roan: I like thumb wrestling. I probably did thumb wrestling in your belly with your ribs.

Deep Breaths

Mom (yelling from the bathroom): Roan, you need to aim for the toilet! Roan (yelling from his room): Take deep breaths and calm down! It’s not the end of the world. It’s not like the world turned to pink poo-poo dust.

Career Awareness

Career Awareness

Roan: When I’m a grown-up I want to be a chemist and an author. Like on Tuesday’s I’ll be a chemist and on Wednesdays I’ll be an author.

Print Preview

Print Preview

Roan doodled this on my desk as he was waiting for me to get off the computer and play with him (click to see full image).

Roan: Mom, I farted in my sleep and it woke me up, and I thought – mother of God, I hope Santa doesn’t come in here when I do that on Christmas Eve!

Bathroom Words

Roan (on his best friend at Pre-K): Zachy was saying bathroom words at school. So my friends and teachers are going to take him to the doctor and the doctor is going to take an x-ray of his head so we can find out why he keeps saying those words.