Roan (after hurting himself): I saw white in my soul. (Age 12)

Dad: What did you think of the graphic Bible you got for your birthday? Roan: I was disappointed I spent all that time reading the Bible when I could have been reading comics.

Roan: When I’m dead I’d like a casket to cover my body, and then I’d like gasoline to be poured on it, and I’d like it to be lit on fire while it’s in the ground. But since I can’t do that, I’ll just donate my body to science. (Age 12)

Roan: I don’t feel good after smelling my armpits. It’s the same feeling as car sickness. (Age 12)

Grandma: What were the people in Iceland like? Roan: They cuss freely. (Age 12)

Roan: I wanted to make a good comeback to what Dad said, but I decided to protect our relationship. (Age 12)

Mom: Roan, how was the sleepover? Roan: It was a really productive night! (Age 11)

Roan: Sunday is my last day to rest, so I’d like to use my time wisely by not going to church. (Age 11)

Roan (getting into the car after school): Did you bring me a snack? Mom: I forgot. Roan: Prepare to face consequences! (Age 11)