Roan (to Mom): You’re overly enthusiastic about what I’m saying. Just go “Mmm…yeah.” That’s how I got through a 20-minute conversation with your uncle about taxes and retirement plans.” (Age 16)

Roan: Kindergarten is a cult. They make you stand up and pledge allegiance. (Age 15)

Mom: Do you want to watch a movie about metal music with dad and I? Roan: No, that’s not a good use of my time. Spending time with you and dad is the worst possible use of my time. (Age 14)