Lavina: Wow. Roan, how did you manage to do that puzzle so fast? Roan (very matter of fact): Well, because that’s what children do best.

Roan: No, I’m not acting grumpy! I’m just breaking the rules.

Roan: Dada, are C3PO and R2D2 bad guys? Casey: No, they’re good guys. Roan: Did you never see them on Facebook?

Roan: I didn’t want to take my picture with Santa Claus. I was a little jealous and a little scared.

Roan (for no reason): Dada you are naughty. You’re a naughty Dada. You’re in BIG trouble.

Roan: Mama, I didn’t get your email. I lost my phone.

Casey: Roan, how was the park today? Were there lots of kids? Roan: No. Not even a mouse.

Lavina: Roan, can you help me unload the dishwasher? Roan: No. I don’t have any time.

Roan (shouting from the bathroom): Mama, I’m gonna make a whole family of poo-poo! Lavina (shouting with measured enthusiasm): Ok, that would be great!

Alphie: Roan, what happened to your toy house? Roan: I broke it. Alphie: Why did you break it? Roan: I didn’t take care of it. Alphie: If you don’t take care of your toys I won’t give you anymore. Roan (holding his Curious George doll): How about this – how about you buy me the … Continue reading →

Alphie: Did you have a good day at school? Roan: No. Alphie: Why not? Roan: I got lots of time-outs. Alphie: Why did you get lots of time-outs? Roan: Because I didn’t do my activities. Alphie: Why didn’t you do your activities? Roan: Because that’s the way it was and that’s the way it is.

Lavina: I love you Roan. Roan (sing-song-y): I don’t love you too! Lavina: What? You don’t love me? Roan: I only love Dada. Lavina: Aww, I feel so sad! Roan: Actually, I love both of you. I love Dada and Mama.

Roan: Ouch! Lavina: Did you burn your finger on the lamp again? Roan: You should turn that light off before I get into any more mischief. Case dismissed!

Alphie: Roan, do you know what city you live in? Roan (confidently): The City of Paris!

Roan (pausing, while pretending to shoot a web from his palms): Mama, does Spiderman say, “oh man, this is sticking everywhere!” Does he need to clean it up?

Roan (opening the box to the game Connect Four): Mama, how about you put it together and I will read the directions. Lavina: Ok. Roan (“reading” the 2-sided page of rules and instructions, turning it upside down and right side up): Hmmm, why does everything have to be so difficult?

Lavina: Roan, are you cold? Roan: No. Lavina: Are you tired? Roan: No. I’m just confused. Lavina: What are you confused about? Roan: About me. Lavina: (getting up from table) Roan: Where are you going? Are you going to write that down?

Roan: Mama did you never eat this ice cream before? Lavina: No, not this kind. Roan: Well, I had it when I was a big fat man Dada.

Roan: One day I blew my horn so hard that my face caught on fire.

Roan: Mama’s gonna take me to Dr. Gopal and Dr. Gopal’s gonna check my heart and he’s gonna say, “I’m not sure what’s wrong with this kid.”

Roan (to his grandmother): The planet Earth is where me and Mama and Dada live. Where do you live, Amma?

Roan: Amma, is it going to be me and you?! Alphie: Yes, we’re going to spend the day together. Roan (trying to push Lavina out the door): Ok have a nice day Mama. Can you please go?

Roan (whining and screeching in the middle of our Rush song): Mama I want to play the guitar! You play the drums! Lavina: Please ask nice. Say, “mama can we please switch?” Roan: Mama, can we please shit?

Roan: Dada, don’t be so dramatic.

Roan: Mama, it was my thought to go poop. I thought and I thought and I thought.

Roan: Dada, I’m gonna pretend to be a friend. And you can talk to me.

Roan (to Lavina and Casey): Let’s pretend we’re kids.

Lavina: I think you owe me an apology. Roan: I’m sorry Mama TOOT! (his word for “fart”) Lavina: Please say sorry in a nice way. Roan: I’m DASH sorry Mama DASH! Lavina: Try again. Roan (muffled by his hand over his mouth): I’m sthhorrry. Lavina: I couldn’t hear you with your hand over your mouth. … Continue reading →

Roan: Where’s Case? Lavina: Dada can’t have breakfast with us because he has to leave early for work. Roan: Well, maybe I can DASH him with a trash truck and pour sand on him and dress him up like Spiderman!

Roan: I came out of the volcano with Spiderman. And then we rode on a train together to go on vacation. Spiderman was the best driver on the train.

Roan: Hey Dada do you wanna watch a hotdog go down my throat? (swallows hard, thrusts chin down, and traces path of hot dog down his chest with his finger)

Lavina to Roan: I think you were having a hard time following the rules because you were so tired. Roan: Well, I wanna break the rules and there will be no rules forever!

Roan: Juice is my favorite breakfast I ever eat in America.

Roan, introducing Casey to a neighbor: This is my son Dada.

Roan: Are you happy I went pee pee? Lavina: We’re happy when you cooperate with trying. It’s ok if no pee pee comes out. Casey: Hitting and kicking me while you’re sitting on the potty is NOT cooperating. Lavina: Going pee pee on the floor on purpose is NOT cooperating. Casey: Fighting with us and … Continue reading →

Roan, showing his babysitter a blister on his hand: Emily look! I got a buster from drumming SO hard.

Roan, showing Alphie the Buzz Lightyear compass she got him for his birthday, worn on his wrist: Amma, ask me where I got my watch. Alphie: Where did you get your watch? Roan: Whole Foods. Alphie: Whole Foods? Roan: No, actually I got it from Babies To Us.

Lavina, in the car: Oh no! Roan: What happened Ma? Lavina: Traffic is bad on the highway. Roan, very concerned: What happened! Lavina: There are too many cars going slow because of the rain. Roan, in an angry wish to get even with the cars: Well, a train is going to CRASH into the cars! … Continue reading →

Roan, announcing to a neighbor in the parking lot: I’m gonna cooperate and go potty and then watch a movie! Neighbor: That sounds great. Enjoy your movie. Roan, running away: Enjoy your self!

Lavina: Shhh! Roan please stop asking me things. I need peace and quiet for 5 minutes. Roan: Am I driving you nuts?

Casey: Roan, what did you do today with Mama? Roan (who at age 3 has never skateboarded): I was practicing my skateboard. Do you know what is the name of the store where I got my skateboard? – “Skateboard and Skateboard!”

Roan: Dada, can we have love? Do you have love? (meaning he wants a hug and kiss – he’s a big snuggler) Casey: Yes, I always have love for you. Roan: Dada, can we play instead of having love?

Casey: We’re going to the beach. Roan: Yay! Can I be like a crocodile and try to snap everyone?

Roan: Dada look. I have a nail on my finger. Casey: Yes, you have nails on all your fingers. Roan: Can you take it off? Casey: No, our nails don’t come off. Roan: Take it off! (biting off a piece of his fingernail) Look, see? There, I took it off.

Roan: Dada, where do you work? Do you have art projects there? Are you going to paint everything like a real kid?

Roan (shouting from the bathroom): I went poo-poo!! It’s like a big volcano!! Lavina (to Casey): It’s your turn.

Roan rode a big yellow bus to school for the first time this morning. He got on kicking and screaming at 8am but returned home smiling 2 1/2 hrs later (see before and after photos below). For weeks, Roan talked bravely and enthusiastically about riding the bus (“the bus driver is going to pull a … Continue reading →

Roan (in the process of waking Casey up): Look Dada, I didn’t hit you or bite you!

Roan: Mama, tie me up. Tie me up! Will you please tie me up? (laying down on the floor wearing Casey’s motorcycle boots, pretending to be the giant in Gulliver’s Travels for the 1000th time). Lavina (thinking): I hope he doesn’t ever make this request in public.

Roan (to Casey): I like you Mister Dada.

Roan (fascinated with Casey’s large translucent fish oil pill): Dada, I’ll get you your vitamin. Can I sit on the couch and pinch it? Can I throw it to you like a football? Can we play catch with it?

Roan (at the park): I’m just going to have to leave. Because I’m not cooperating.

Lavina: Roan, would you like a brother or sister? Roan: No, just friends instead. Lavina: Would you like a dog? Roan: No, I want a cat.

Roan: Mama, what store did this new gum came from? Lavina: I ordered it from the internet. Can you say “internet?” Roan: “Internet.” That’s a hard word to say.

Roan (waiting at the deli counter in Whole Foods): Dada, can I do a zerbert on you? Casey: No. Roan: Does Whole Foods have a rule? (minutes later, still waiting for ham and cheese…) Dada, you’re a good Dada.

Roan: Dada, have you ever gone scuba divering?

Roan (to Lavina’s 79 yr old grandmother Molly): Granny Mushroom, will you take off your glasses so we can wrestle?

Roan: Where are we going? Casey: To see Dr. Stephanie (Roan’s behavior psychologist). Roan (not too happy about that): Well, I’m going to put a pretend mask on me and shoot my web!

Roan (startled and upset, with his lip quivering, after Alphie, Casey & Lavina all shouted “No!” as he put a sharp knife in his mouth to lick off the butter): I wish I had a bunch of knives so I could throw them!

Roan: Mama, I’ll be careful not to freak out when you turn the movie off.

Casey (flabbergasted and disappointed): We’ve read your “Cars” book every night for two weeks. It’s your favorite. Why would you destroy it? Roan: Well, that’s how it works.

Roan: Mama are you listening to me? Do you need to turn your listening ears on?

Roan, in his carseat: Mama, you can’t sit next to me because there’s lots of too many stuff. ———- Roan, in his carseat at night, afraid of the dark: Mama, will you hold my little feetsies? ——— Roan, sleeping in a new place: I’m snuggling with Dada because I need some cuddle time. ———- Roan, … Continue reading →

Casey: After I make your bed I’m going to change your poopy diaper. Roan: I can agree to that.

Roan: AHHHHH! I’m yelling in anger!

Roan: Mama, you’re amazing. You’re good with puzzles.

Lavina: Roan, you are grumpy. Roan: No! I’m not grumpy. I’m just pretending to be grumpy.

Roan: Mama, carry me! Lavina: I can’t. My back hurts. Roan: Yes you can. You’re a big girl.

Roan, trying on his Grandma’s first name on the way to see fireworks: Alphie, look at that crane! Alphie (“Amma”): Yes, see the flag on the crane? It’s our country’s birthday! Roan, suddenly very serious: One day I was going to work. A flag fell down and got stuck in my head! Mama: That’s terrible! … Continue reading →

Roan: Dada, who’s the boss of all the guys who play music? Casey: The conductor. Roan: Do conductors rock out when the guys play music? Casey: Of course they do!

Roan: Mama, I’m just gonna sit right here and think about a T-Rex.

Roan, using his little people to re-enact our last visit with Uncle Albie and Aunt Shirley: Now, mama and Shirley are going to get in the car and get some “Chai-nina’s” (chinese carryout).

Roan, upon entering his room sans crib (we finally broke it down): Good job Mama! My room looks wonderful! (turning around with his arms outstretched). Roan, later, upon learning that his crib would go to our neighbor upstairs: I don’t want another baby to sleep in my crib.

Roan at the pool, pointing to his 5 yr old friend’s nipples: “David, you have bruises?”

Roan: Dada, can I go in the pool with my penis?

Casey (while shaving, with Roan observing him): Roan, do you want facial hair when you grow up? Roan: No. I want a mole instead.

(Driving through the city) Roan: Dada, do you want to see where I work? Casey: Yes, what kind of work do you do? Roan: I did art projects, finger painters, checkers, I fix the building, and all kinds of stuff. I traveled so hard. Mama: How do you travel Ro? Roan: I travel on a … Continue reading →

Roan: Mama, can I be careful not to pee-pee on my boo-ey (blanket)? —– Roan: Mama, can I be careful not to smash the baby’s face? —– Roan: Mama, can I be careful not to chew on the DVD box?

Roan: Where’s me?

Roan: Can I have too much ice cream?

Roan: I need to be careful not to paint Nora. -Prepping himself for preschool.

Roan: Oooouuuccchh! Casey: What happened? Did you stub your toe? Roan: No, I stubbed my head!

Roan (talking to a castanet in Casey’s hands): Pac Man is a nice man. Pac Man, you have no wings? Pac Man has no arms. Just a mouth. Pac Man, I need help taking my bib off. I need help getting down from my high chair.

Roan: I was angry because I wanted to watch FOOTBALL! And the football was not working. -After Casey set up the TV to watch the Oscars (we only plug in the cable for annual or extraordinary events, the last time being the Super Bowl).

Roan: CaaaAAASSSEEEYYY! Casey, you’re in trouble.

Roan: Let’s have a family.

Roan: I want to eat my elbow. Can I eat my elbow? I can’t reach it (running his mouth down his arm toward his elbow). I need help!

At the breakfast table with Casey, Lavina, Roan, and Amma (Alphie)… Lavina: Roan, tell Dada and Amma what you got last night. Roan: I bought a new library card. Casey: So, mama’s got a library card, Dada’s got a library card, and RoRo’s got a library card. Unfortunately, Amma can’t read. Lavina & Amma: [laughing] … Continue reading →

Roan: Mama, did you see that? I just pulled fishies out of my belly button and threw them in the water. 1, 2, 3…18 fishies!

Roan: Mama, I’m not going to hurt you anymore. The first thing he said upon waking, after a hellish marathon of tantrums the day before.

We finally cracked the code on “nooshin gooshing” – one of Roan’s phrases that had us curious and puzzled for months. Apparently “nooshin gooshing” = curly hair. Lavina put 2 and 2 together while reading “The Tao of Babies” with Roan. Every page that had an illustration of a baby with curly hair elicted “NOOSHIN … Continue reading →

Roan (from out of nowhere): I want to drink milk from mama’s breast! Casey & Lavina: [laughing] Roan: I like it! Roan hasn’t breastfed since he was 5 months old. However he did spend the morning looking at his photos from infancy.

Roan: Spider Man and the masked man are my brothers. [Notice in the photo below the 20 yr old tiger blanket from Wal-Mart that Lavina grew up with. This thing is so NOT biodegradable! Nary a stitch is loose.]

Roan: When I get older, I want to get tackled with the guys. -While watching the Super Bowl.

Dr. Gopal needs to fix the light because I broke it. -Roan, after pushing down a floor lamp with a glass shade, which shattered everywhere. Dr. Gopal is Roan’s pediatrician.

Roan: Lobster. Lobster. Lavina: Are you a lobster? Roan: No I’m not a lobster. I’m a fish.

Roan: When I grow up I want to hold a squirrel.

I took the booger out of my nose and I chewed it all up.

[During Obama’s inauguration screening party at the Senator Theater] Roan: This is going to be fun! (sitting down with a tub of popcorn)… Roan: Santa Clause! (as Biden was being sworn in as VP)… Roan: Bob the Builder! (as the crowd began chanting “Yes we can!”)

Roan: I want some!! (cereal) Lavina: How do you ask nice? Roan: Please, can I want some?